CHAPTERS on When life is naughty, here's how to find nice
There are some weeks that grab you by the scruff of the neck, shake you up and ask, How much can you take?
This was one of those weeks.
It began with a cricked neck, as days often do post-thirty. Otherwise everything seemed innocent enough. Monday morning, cup of tea in hand, a plan for the week ahead. I had writing deadlines to hit and a long-awaited dinner with a school friend to look forward to. By Friday I was staring in a daze at slow defrosting patches of ice on my patio, feeling like I’d been in a punch-up with life itself and wondering where it had all gone wrong.
A Series of Unfortunate Events
My apartment had a leak. Not a small one either. By Tuesday, the entire kitchen wall had turned from crisp white to a shade of mould that Farrow and Ball would name ‘Skunk Wind’ if it were a paint colour.
Two large holes gaped in the kitchen wall where the plumber had to cut through to find the source of the problem. ‘It’s the pipe behind the bathroom tiles.’ He finally determined, promising to come back and hack away another crevice in the bathroom at a later date. Something to look forward to. The mess and pending costs spiralled into my headspace, distracting me from everything I’d planned to accomplish.
Then came the dog. My usually clinically insane pup was lethargic, shivering, and refusing food. I spent hours coaxing him to drink water and snuggling him under blankets, watching his every move for signs of improvement. By midweek, I was exhausted but, life wasn’t done with me yet.
There were more trivial inconveniences. I turned up to an 8am gym class which had been cancelled without notice. A woman shouted at me for something somebody else had said. Then, on a less trivial note, when walking back from the station one evening in the dark and freezing temperatures that have only added to my pain, I noticed a police car slowly patrolling around the corner from my street. Someone had been mugged by three men just an hour or so before, a few hundred meters from home.
I couldn’t write. I sat at my desk for hours and nothing came. I couldn’t plan. I couldn’t muster the energy to be remotely creative. It was as though life itself had conspired to put a pause on every ambition I had, instead filling my brain with sludge.
Find the Little Things
I wanted to scrunch the week up like a piece of scrap paper and toss it in the bin. But somewhere amidst the challenges, I found myself leaning on small treats.
Some guilty-pleasure trash tv, (Rivals and I’m a Celeb if you were wondering) indulging in the comfort of a brief escape.
Sitting in the car with all the heaters on high and singing Adele songs as though you are her, and you are performing to an arena of adoring fans in your Las Vegas residency.
I bought a huge Christmas tree earlier than I ever have in my life. A declaration to the world that while this week might have been rubbish, I’m still here and I can still make something beautiful.
A 2010s medley of absolute anthems and enjoying the pure absurdity of twerking, alone, in the privacy of your living room.
Reading an entire book in 48 hours and humbly bragging about it without revealing it was very short.
The long-overdue dinner, sitting in the warmth of a bustling restaurant, eating pizza and ice cream, laughing harder than I had in weeks. Sharing your mishaps with a friend is so underrated. What’s more cathartically main character energy than re-telling your problems in the style of your very own sit-com. It left me with an almost-forgotten lightness.
There will always be periods like this, sometimes it’s days or weeks, sometimes you feel like these phases stretch on for months. If anything this whole year has felt like a long and unnecessary farce. Life throws its worst at you and you’re left wondering if you’ll ever catch your breath. But there will always be small joys - pizzas, cheap laughs, comfort TV and friendship. You have to find the little acts of defiance against the cold and the leaks and the general sense of doom, like festive decorations that remind you, in a momentary glimmer, why it’s worth pushing through. So let us write this one off and start fresh tomorrow remembering that, while life can be messy and unpredictable, there are always moments of warmth. Some days you just have to look a bit harder to find them.